


I don't want to fall in love

by Woolverine



Series: Even Shadows Dream [1]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 22:20:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10931187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woolverine/pseuds/Woolverine
Summary: Does the sun dream of the night? Does the moon dream of sunshine? Can they ever be together?





	I don't want to fall in love

When had Reyes realised he was in danger? That day they proved the Roekarr were behind the murders, and then wiped them out. Listening to how her voice changed, how expressive it was, from the light playfulness when they had set out, to the raging anger and deep disgust at how the krogan had suffered, that had caught his attention. Reyes had enjoyed hearing the banter between the Pathfinder and her associates, it had been refreshing - a reminder when he too could trust all the people he worked with.

In the cave when he'd seen the Roekarr capture the Initiative trio, his heart rate had accelerated. It didn’t matter that he had a detonator in his hand, that he still had his weapons, and knew between them, he and the Initiative team could deal with Roekarr; he was worried for her safety. Not the group, the Pathfinder. Reyes had shot the rebel leader without hesitating, and then detonated the charges he had laid around the cave. The Pathfinder team rolled into the action, a seamless and efficient unit. He had done his share, Ryder crouched beside him as they picked off the angara. Reyes was pretty sure that was the first time he'd ever noticed, during a firefight, how sexy a fellow combatant was. What a big, blinking, neon clue that had been.

The way Ryder had looked at him as they were leaving, the way her mouth didn't quite smile, didn't quite purse, but formed an intriguing mix of both, had sent Reyes straight into flirt mode, moving closer, his voice husky.

“Careful, I might start to think you like me,” he had heard himself saying.

“Would that be so bad?” Ryder had purred in response, eyes bright with laughter.

Reyes closed his eyes to better remember the timbre of her voice, the way his stomach had dropped. Weeks later, the memory still had the power to ignite desire

How could she do this to him? Why would she?

The Pathfinder must be toying with him. She had noticed his attraction to her, and was trying to use it to gain an ally in Kadara Port, to cement his support. It's exactly what he had hoped to do with her, before they had even met, before he realised he didn't need to pretend a powerful attraction. He didn't want this. He didn't need it. Sara sneaking into his thoughts constantly. Wondering where she was, what she was doing, if she was taking too many risks, hoping her team were watching her back.

But, bad as it was during the day, the night was worse. Reyes hadn’t had such frequent erotic dreams since puberty. They had started the night after the Roekaar job. At first, the dreams had been straightforward, Reyes claiming her mouth with his own, his hand on her cheek, wanting to show Sara why liking him would be such a bad idea. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her tongue pressing forward eagerly to spar with his, their lips melting together. He moved his other hand to her hip, urging her body to mould against his. She backed Reyes up to the wall of the cave, nipping and sucking his lower lip. When he groaned with pleasure, Sara moved her attention to his neck, placing a line of wet kisses up to his ear, over which she made a light tracery with her agile tongue. He grabbed her hips firmly with both hands, holding Sara against his insistant erection.

Reyes woke up too soon. Always. The dreams only increased his thirst for Sara, never quenched it. He’d arch in his tousled bed, aching cock in his hand, trying to get some relief. The self-made orgasms were like throwing a teaspoon of water on a burning house. All they did was highlight how inadequate everything had become since this obsession had started.

That’s what he was calling it. An obsession. Only an obsession, nothing less, nothing more. He was giddy like a boy in the throes of his first crush. It could be nothing more, after all. Sara Ryder was so far above him, it was a wonder he didn’t need a ladder to stand on when talking to her. Reyes had had to give into his darkness to survive as an exile, to get the Collective up and running, to start the fight back against Sloane Kelly. It had been necessary, and he hadn’t regretted anything he had had to do. Until a laughing woman had looked up at him and said “Would that be so bad?” Then the what-ifs had started scrolling through his mind, the might-yet-bes and the never-going-to-happens. 

Reyes didn’t deserve a woman like Sara. She was young and fresh, still firmly in the light. He didn’t think he would ever make it back out from the shadows within himself. Heleus had changed him irrevocably. He hadn’t been been a paragon back in the Milky Way, but he had been a decent man, one who could be counted on to do more or less the right thing most of the time. Now, he wasn’t sure if he even remembered how to tell the difference between right and wrong. In Kadara, right and wrong were amorphous qualities. Some deeds would never be right - the murders, the beatings, demanding sex in exchange for protection, the injustice and inequality of Sloane’s regime - but what of the deeds he committed to undercut Sloane? He stole, he killed (though he tried not commit actual murder Reyes knew he was walking an invisible line there), he cheated, lied, bullied and manipulated. No method was too harsh or too underhanded, too cruel or too calculating. Hadn’t he started working out how he could twist the Pathminder to his cause as soon as he heard Alec Ryder had been succeeded by his youthful daughter? He’d hoped the young woman would be attractive enough to make his seduction of her even slightly plausible but he hadn’t given any thought to what she might feel or want, what kind of person she might be. He’d even hoped she was idealistic and inexperienced, so he could play her more easily. The Pathfinder’s worth lay only in her usefulness to the Charlatan. 

How could Sara possibly sully herself with someone like Reyes Vidal? Well, the answer was she couldn’t. Wouldn’t. There was no point in thinking he might ever get a chance to taste her lips against his, feel her arms around him, bury his face between her legs and take her to heaven. It was impossible. Sara was indulging his flirtation for reasons of her own, not because she was actually interested in him.

But what if she was interested? Could Reyes allow himself to form an attachment when so much was at stake? No. Absolutely not. He had no time for a romance, couldn’t spare any of his attention from the Collective and Kadara Port’s future. The way his mind kept wandering to a quirky smile and playful eyes was too much trouble already. Keema had noticed his unusual interest and kept being encouraging, offering advice. His angaran friend thought a relationship would be good for him, better than the series of hook ups which was all Reyes had been allowing himself since reaching Kadara. Drinks, no strings sex, pleasure without consequences. Well, that had been his intention. Zia had wanted more than he had been willing to give, and it had been with only slight regret Reyes had put a stop to their encounters. He hadn’t even hinted at the possibility of partnership, either personal or business, but Zia had got the idea into her head somehow, and things had gone south. Reyes hadn’t even bothered with casual sex since then, because he couldn’t risk another vengeful person claiming he had scorned them. Kadara Port was more important than his sex drive.

Sara’s defense of him to Zia, that had been mind blowing. He didn’t think she had said it merely to irk Zia, she had been still and sincere. The anger Reyes had felt when Zia had turned on Sara had been sudden and volcanic. Why had he dragged her into this mess anyway? Because it had been personal business, not Collective business? Because he’d wanted to demonstrate his skills as further proof of how useful he could be? Or because he had wanted to spend time with her? All of the above, with the last being the strongest reason.

When Sara had joined him in Kralla’s Song, Reyes had been delighted to see her, and so had his cock. The sounds of the bar had fallen away as they had stared at each other. How had he ever thought that face was bland? Every movement of her mouth was enticing! His breathing had quickened, and Reyes had noticed Sara’s breath quickening too. He had laid a light hand on her back, and had felt a burst of joy when she had leaned into his touch. At that moment, Reyes had wanted to grab her hand and lead her away to somewhere private, where he could find out how much better kissing Sara was in real life than in his dreams. Umi had interrupted them in just the nick of time. He had been ready to forget about everything for time alone with the Pathfinder. 

That’s not why Reyes was going to invite Sara to the Outcast party. He intended to keep her at arm’s length, be consummately professional. He was giving her an opportunity to make herself known to the Kadara mover and shakers, to get another look at Sloane and see how things worked among the Outcasts. Yes, the invite was all about advancing the Pathfinder’s cause, and the Collective’s. Maybe there would be he would get his chance to thumb his nose at Sloane by stealing her stuff, and perhaps he could forge closer ties with the Pathfinder. Closer, professional ties, that Reyes could use for his cause. Nothing flirtatious he was instructing himself, nothing romantic. Definitely nothing sexual. His unruly cock didn’t need any more material to spice up his dreams. It was not going to be a date. Strictly professional, all the way. 

Fuck, who he was kidding? Reyes had even flirted with Sara while the corpse of his ex-girlfriend was cooling a few metres away. The Pathfinder could crack his composure with one quirky smile. She would smash like it an eggshell if he let her get close. Arm’s length, all the way. Reyes was waiting for her to return his vidcom so he could issue the invite, but casually. Arm’s length, all the way. Nothing personal. Nothing romantic. Nothing flirtatious. No touching. Definitely no kissing.

Reyes had the sense to know that kissing Sara would take him beyond the point of no return. He could restrain his emotions, even if his body was giving him problems. But he had the feeling peace was waiting for him in Sara’s embrace, and peace was something he didn’t deserve, and which could explode his plans for the Collective. Half besotted, Reyes could manage his business. He didn’t know if he could still plot and plan, and scheme, and do all the filthy, underhanded things he needed to do, if he had had a taste of happiness. Reyes was driven by disgust and revulsion at Sloane, hatred for what the Outcast leader was doing. His determination was fueled by his rage and diluting that rage, would it dilute his determination? Bring his plans to ruin? Even for a person like Sara, who called to his very soul, Reyes was unwilling to sacrifice Kadara Port and the people within.

He didn’t want to fall in love with her. 

He mustn’t fall in love with her.

Even if Sara might be his salvation.


End file.
